dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
