I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
