So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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