Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so let's talk penis.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
