I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My feet surprised me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
