I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
