I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
