I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
