I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
