some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
