i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
