I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
