just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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