Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
