His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize