Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
