Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
