So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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