Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
