I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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