oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
