He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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