so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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