Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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