im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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