whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
