I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
