I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
