dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
