so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
