Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
