I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
