can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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