Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
