Already got asked if we're dating
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
