I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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