3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
