He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
