3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
