That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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