haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
