I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
