he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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