So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
