Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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