There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
