Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
