tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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