a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
