i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
