Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize