Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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