Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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