You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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