If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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