How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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