In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
