Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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