where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
