I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
