How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
