you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
