her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
