Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
