We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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