when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize