You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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