I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
