OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
