You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
