I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize