Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
how does that bad decision feel?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
