it glows. i had to have it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
