"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize