he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
