david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
