Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
