I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
